This is All Kinds of Disgusting

For a few years, now, rumors have been circulating about a new "sandwich" that KFC was test marketing called the "Double Down." This sandwich supposedly defied the logic of traditional sandwich construction by featuring two breaded chicken breasts as the "bun" of the sandwich, encasing a mix of cheeses as the sandwich filling. The sandwich had popped up in places like Omaha, Nebraska and Providence, Rhode Island, but no official information was available as to whether or not KFC would choose to unleash this monstrosity upon America.

Well, guard your arteries, because starting on April 12th, the Double Down is coming to your town. KFC advertises the Double Down on their website with a clock counting down the days, hours, minutes and seconds until its release. They also have a television commercial you can view on the site.

KFC describes the sandwich as a:

"One-of-a-kind sandwich" that, "features two thick and juicy boneless white meat chicken filets (Original Recipe® or Grilled), two pieces of bacon, two melted slices of Monterey Jack and pepper jack cheese and Colonel's Sauce."

To their credit, KFC also lists some nutritional information for both the breaded and grilled versions. The breaded version has 520 calories, 32 grams of fat and 1380 mg of sodium. If you're watching your figure and choose to go grilled, you'll be putting away a skinny 460 calories, 23 grams of fat, and 1430 mg of sodium. Should you pair the Double Down the way KFC recommends - with a large soda and potato wedges - the calorie, fat, and sodium content goes up dramatically, however.

Several writers have tried the Double Down and chronicled the experience for your reading pleasure. The best article I've found actually comes from the A.V. section of "The Onion," which is why, when I initially read the headline, I thought it was another Onion joke. The writer describes his experience thusly: "

The Double Down did to my gastrointestinal system what Sherman did to the South, leaving a scorched-earth trail of destruction in its wake. After the initial flavor burst of herbs and spices faded, I was left with a series of stomach-turning pairings, the most horrifying being really bad pepper-jack cheese—school-lunch cheap and school-lunch nasty—and odious bacon."

The article really is worth a read in its entirety - though I don't recommend perusing before meal-time.

Don't get me wrong - I like junk food. I support eating freely and decadently and unhealthily every once in a while. But this? If you're going to eat something unhealthy, at least make it something that contains real food that's prepared with care. Not processed cheese and low quality meat. Not something you scarf down in the car or in a molded plastic KFC booth.

And if your idea of an amazing meal really is two breaded chicken breasts sandwiching a mix of cheeses and bacon? At least make it yourself with better ingredients. I guarantee you, it will be at least marginally more healthy than KFC's sodium and fat bomb.

It seems America's unhealthy chickens truly have come home to roost.